Had marriage counseling today with wife and Pastor Tang. Would just like to share the invaluable advice from him with everyone, especially when it comes to something so important like marriage.
1.total committment from a total person for his total lifeWhat does marriage require? It requires total committment from a total person for his total life. I like to remember it as, TC, TP and TL. Our marriage vows are not simply just a script to read, but really, in sickness in health, in good times, in bad times, for riches for poverty, ... it really requires total committment from both parties from their total persons for their total lives.
As we attend other people's weddings and hear them say their vows, its in fact a time for us to re-affirm the vows that we have said on our own big day. A constant reminder.
2. Marriage, like a plant, has to grow, has to be nurtured.If left alone, a plant will die. Similarly marriage. If both do not take the effort to nurture it, it will slowly wither, you find yourselves distanting, and slowly die. However, a marriage that grows will in turn cause the lives of both to grow as well. When such happens, each will edify each other. For Catherine and I who are Christians, we pray to God that we both can grow together in maturity, to grow in service to God and lastly to grow in being a blessing to others.
3. Having time for each other Having time for each other, in terms of both quality and quantity. Many might say that they spent 'quality' time, but let this be done in quantity as well. Many gadgets in our midst are indeed strangling this quality time. Two very good examples are the computer and the T.V. Wife, husband gets home from work, immediately switches on the tv/laptop and zoom...its bedtime. Next day goes to work come back from work.... you get the point. (This is why i resolute not to have a TV set in my bedroom, but the other playrm ok la ;)) Do not let the tv, computer take center stage. Spend time communicating with each other, talk.
4. Be forgiving and respectful to your partner
Many are fully aware that they tend to take their partners for granted, but still do so. We have to be ready to forgive, to respect, to trust, letting each other have their own circle of privacy.
5. Having the right priorities and values
Our priorities and values are without saying, rooted in God's Word. When one gets into a car accident, we should not worry about the damages that we have to pay for the bonnet being damaged or lights being replaced. We ask if the person is firstly safe? Secondly, is anyone else injured? The rest is really secondary, don't have to probe further. Deciding the things that really matter. Pastor Tang said one sentence that I will never forget, "Problems that can be resolved with money are not problems." Quoted one example being the guy who went AWOL with a missing rifle because of his failed relationship with his gf. This is not a problem that can be resolved with money. It hence goes back to the values that we hold, where do they come from? Very often, the world's values disappoint. We have to go back to the values revealed to us in the God's word.
Finally,
6. Having a Family Altar
Don't be mistaken, its not having a physical sacrifice altar or tablet but really, a time where both of us (or more if have children in the future) can spend the time together praying, pondering over God's word. A family altar also is a like previously mentioned, a set of values we hold together that prompts us to grow in service to God, to the church, to everyone else, that we might be testimonies for Him.
Yep that's it. I am not saying that Catherine and I have kept the above, but it is certainly a reminder writing this entry to myself as well. What I earnestly hope and pray for is that, Catherine and I will establish our own household of faith and keeping hold of all that has been shared here.
